Accepting the Gift of Support
Anyone can benefit from support in their life. For families raising someone with a disability, this support is both a gift and a necessity. As a mom to a now-adult dependent daughter, support has been an essential part of our journey. Support comes in various shapes: paid and volunteer, intentional and incidental, through families, friends, new connections not yet made and charities/agencies/churches geared to helping people.
We happen to have a family that has always surrounded us with love, supporting us when we needed help in figuring out the disability journey. We are grateful for this, as I know that many others do not have this support. I also intentionally sought out other moms for friendship who were raising someone with a disability, so we could be a support to each other. Our children were not always similar in their needs or ages, but there are many commonalities in the disability journey. Twenty nine years into this journey, I enjoy helping other families, but I am still learning from them too.
My faith was my main support in the earliest years. When it had been one of those days and I felt physically worn out and mentally broken, I spent time talking to the Lord. By word and visualization, I gave him some of my challenges temporarily. I asked him to carry them while I worked through what I felt I could currently handle. He was my strength, promising me that I could do this. Sometimes, by the time I got through the challenges I had kept, the others had already resolved themselves or at least seemed less burdensome.
Through connections with local charities and agencies I was able to take various workshops. Some specifically helped teach me ways to better support myself and to support Elizabeth. There were 2 very big steps I had to learn - how to ask for help and how to accept help from strangers. I had always been someone who liked to have full control of my life and my environment and believed I was capable of anything, with enough work.
Learning to be vulnerable was probably one of the more difficult things I had to learn. First I needed to realize that being vulnerable and asking for and accepting help did not make me weak or less. It did not take away the control of my life. It made it easier for me to be in control. Once I accepted that, I was able to not just look for the hands to help with tasks, but for the environments that were supportive. In time, I learned to create supportive environments for others.
Elizabeth and I joined VE probably around 15 years ago. Our journey with VE has been such a blessing. VE was our first Christian connection in the disability journey. Through our involvement with the leaders at VE, Elizabeth was able to create a better supported role for herself in our home church. Through these leaders, Elizabeth and I have enjoyed becoming advocates for faith and disability, including presenting at conferences.
At VE, Elizabeth can be herself, accepted for who she is, regardless of her challenges. Other VE members focus on her abilities and encourage her to grow. At VE, for the first time, I could speak at parent support meetings about how my faith has been a crucial support in my life raising someone with disabilities. All my prior parent groups were secular.
At VE, we both met many people and made new friends with other families and with the staff and volunteers. Not all families have the same disabilities or challenges, but we are all people of faith supporting someone with disabilities. Some of the staff and volunteers work in the disability field or have personal experience with family members with disabilities or are just people genuinely interested in supporting people with needs and their families.
By attending camp and events at VE and Karis Disability Services, Elizabeth developed an interest in contemporary worship music. Music became another important support in our lives. Elizabeth insists on only listening to her worship CDs while in my car. Her interest in contemporary worship music led me to look for a Christian music radio station. I have fallen in love with listening to the worship music in my car when she is not with me. The words and messages in the songs and in the conversations on the radio station reduce my stress, remind me that I am never alone in my struggles and encourage me to stay focused on the Lord.
The people I have hired, and the friends, school staff or volunteers we have met, who have worked with Elizabeth over the years, have proved to me that there are good people out there. There are people Elizabeth and I can trust to assist her in a safe, engaging life in the community. I don’t need to do everything myself. We continue to seek new volunteer roles and activities in the community and although we have met some resistance, we have also been offered many great opportunities.
I knew no one when we attended our first VE event and have been so happy with our experience that we continue to be involved with the charity. I knew no one when we attended our first event with Karis and we continue to attend events with them. I did not know the families I was bought together with based on the commonality of raising someone with a disability and many have become my close friends and people I know I can confidently turn to in difficult times.
You are not alone on your life journey. Whether or not disability directly affects your family, there can be great challenges in life. Don’t walk alone in tough times. Let your faith guide and strengthen you and reach out to those around you. There are blessings out there.
Lynne
